hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
