I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
