there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
