That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
