Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
