my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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