I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
