They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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