I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
