Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
