I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
