hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
