Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
