If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
