my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
