Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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