FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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