New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize