I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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