Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We are two peas in an std pod
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
