Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
