dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
