When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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