Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
