I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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