i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
