I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
