Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
