he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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