Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
