Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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