11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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