So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
