remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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