I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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