his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
