No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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