I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
