just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
