I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
