I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
