I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
