News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
