I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
