Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
