a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
