i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
