wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
