he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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