omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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