he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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