Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I FOUND THE LEGS
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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