Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You were trust falling into bushes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
