piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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