I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
