kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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