I just saw a hot homeless man
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
