I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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