Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
