Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
