last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
