i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
