i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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