I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
