So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You smell like stripper and shame
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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