Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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