I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
