all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
