based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
