Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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