Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize