Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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