I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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