so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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