I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
