I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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